July 3rd, 2009
|02:38 pm - We built this teepee on rock and roll.|
we officially have the most exciting backyard in the neighborhood. teepee, kiddie pool, fire pit, squash garden, various assortments of awesome people.
i am doing well. tomorrow is the fourth of july! i'm excited. today matt is coming over to bring my skeleton necklace that i left at his house. i will be at work. avoidance is key to recovery. a big ol' crush on somebody else helps out a bit, too.
Current Mood: cheerful
June 15th, 2009
today is my sister's 26th birthday. happy birthday, kara!!! we are having a party for her tonight at nate and charlotte's house.
i got up this morning and walked to the grocery store to get stuff to make cupcakes for tonight. i almost fell down crossing central avenue on the way back :( it was embarrassing. it has taken more willpower than i thought it would to not eat any of the cupcakes i made. i took a shower and practiced viola (pizzicato, i don't have anymore rosin for my bow). i meant to walk down to brodt's to get rosin and some new music and maybe some staff paper so i can transcribe "you really got a hold on me" into alto clef. does anyone in my social network play violin/viola/cello? i'm itchin' to do some duets. anyway, i was going to go to brodt's but tatia came home on her break from work and i wanted to hang out with her. i live and work with her but i just can't get enough tatia. danny is in town for two nights and he's staying with mark and john down the street. it'll be nice to hang out with him him.
matt and i got into a horrible fight on friday night. it lasted hours. i felt just awful the whole time. he did/said some very unfair and fucked up things and i just couldn't take it anymore. i've had the last few days to think about it and he just isn't the person that i thought he was at all. in fact, he is a lot closer to being the person he was before i met him, before he moved to charlotte. i didn't know him then but i heard all about "old matt." mean, cruel, arrogant, unjustly opinionated, always going out of his way to do fucked up hurtful things to people he said he cared about. i haven't tried to talk to him the last couple days and i'm proud of myself. there isn't anything i can say to him. and i just can't handle sitting there while he tells me i'm wasting my life or that i'm basically not good enough for him. i simply cannot take it anymore. he can take his wrong opinions elsewhere.
like helena's vagina, for example. (nothing against helena. everything against matt.)
June 8th, 2009
i haven't gone to sleep yet. i tried and tried but no dice. i guess i just have too many thoughts in my head. it's hard not to think about my stupid broken heart.
yesterday robin brought home a bunch of stuff to make jewelry and i made a really cool necklace with a skeleton on it. it doesn't have a skull. i also made a keychain laniard that says <3FUCK THIS<3.
how's that for creativity
you fucking asshole.
i'm going to clean out the fridge today. i'll probably throw up. i'm also going to give rosie a bath, clean my room, practice viola, think about matt, probably cry, try harder to find a sugar daddy, eat food that isn't taco bell or asian, and drink three 16-oz. beers.
oh and i'll probably make an anklet.
June 2nd, 2009
my purse got stolen from kate's porch last night.
license, debit card, phone, adderall, next two month's written adderall prescriptions, house and car keys, three hundred dollar rent check, cigarettes, sunglasses, favorite wallet, favorite purse
before that happened i counted my adderall and realized i was 17 short. every month for the last 6 months or so i've come up short between 5 and 20. this means someone close to me has been stealing them and it breaks my heart a little.
the universe is trying to tell me something and it's being really mean about it
June 1st, 2009
|04:20 pm - monday mongay|
i didn't get drunk last night.
i practiced viola for a long time today and it made me feel really good. i need to buy some new sheet music. i want a cello.
i cut up some tee shirts and i'm wearing one and i like it a lot.
maybe i'll go to the thrift store and take rosie for a walk.
i need to give mark his helmet back.
May 30th, 2009
matt and i broke up again last night. this time it was me that brought up the whole conversation, which i almost immediately regretted doing. i told him i felt like he wasn't treating me as well as he should and i guess i hoped that he would apologize and start making changes for the better in our relationship but instead he decided to just say all the same shit he said all those other times about how he's trying to live his life and make his music and draw his art and he just can't be in a relationship at the same time as all that. of course, all of this is bullshit because we all know that matt nelson can't NOT be in a relationship. if it's not me, it's gonna be somebody. and then he'll get real sad after a while and then he'll call me up and we'll hang out and i'll still be in love with him and he'll need me to hold him while he feels sorry for himself and then we'll do it and voila the cycle continues.
i am still in love with him but jesus fucking christ he's such a selfish baby.
now i get to play the waiting game for the next few days to find out who he's chosen to be his next best friend for a month that he fucks sometimes but mostly just uses for company while he runs errands.
May 27th, 2009
so the last week and a half has been stressful and inconvenient. to say the least.
i got my period on tuesday of last week, the same day that i realized i had a urinary tract infection and the day after i started a surprisingly difficult and boring session of summer school. yuck. on wednesday i took Rosie to get spayed and she's been recovering pretty well (thank god/knock on wood). work kind of kicked my ass on friday night. my cousin and her boyfriend came into town that night and that was pretty awesome. saturday night while i was at work my whole midsection started hurting real badly. it kept getting worse and worse and by the time tatia and i left work i was almost in tears. when i got home i popped a couple extra strength tylenols and it helped a bit. realizing the pain might be related to my UTI, i decided to wait until monday to call the doctor. throughout last week and last weekend, our little flea problem in our home turned into a much bigger flea problem. a flea infestation. our poor little pets are so itchy. and they've started biting me, too. on sunday morning, tatia and i decided to take my cousin out to brunch at pikes. we pile in my car and i start to pull out of the driveway. i quickly realize that i have a flat tire. awesome. i pulled back in the driveway and ignored it because i was hungry. monday morning, i woke up and felt like pretty awful. i called the doctor and remembered it was memorial day. i still didn't think it was serious enough to go to urgent care or the emergency room so i decided to wait until tuesday (yesterday). i woke up yesterday morning and i felt like i had been hit by a bus. i borrowed kara's car and drove myself to the urgent care at presbyterian. they took a pee sample and the doctor woman said that she couldn't believe i wasn't bedridden with a fever and vomiting all over myself because that's how infected my urine was. my little UTI turned into a full-fledged kidney infection. she nervously prescribed me oral antibiotics, worried that i might start puking and wouldn't be able to keep the meds down. though i have felt nauseated since yesterday morning, i have not thrown up. it has taken a lot of inner strength to not run to the bathroom and puke my insides out. i just want to make my tummy ache go away! but i won't do it because i definitely don't want to be hospitalized for five days with an IV and a tube up my pee hole.
today i woke up and didn't feel any better. matt dropped me off at my house pretty early this morning and i napped in robin's room until she got home (my room had too many fleas in it). tatia got up and we all started cleaning up and getting ready to flea bomb the house. i hardly had the energy to do all of this today. it's kind of a big hassle. put all the dishes in hiding spots, move delicate items outside, cover remaining delicate items, find a place to go for three hours with two to three flea-ridden pets, collect all bedding and laundry items, find mode of transportation, return to house two hours after bombs are set off to open all doors and windows, leave house again for 30 minutes to an hour, etc etc etc
but we took care of it. even in our miserable sick-girl states of being.
now i'm laying down at my parents' house waiting for the last load of laundry to finish so i can go home and make my bed and relax in it.
i still have to take care of my flat tire.
what a week!
April 1st, 2009
yesterday morning there was a high-speed police chase outside my house. the dudes jumped out of the car and there were helicopters looking for them and they found and arrested them outside of kaylyssa's house. i was outside for a long time without any pants on trying to figure out what was going on. robin and i both stepped in the same ant hill.
i'm very poor and in love.
i have to go to work now.
March 6th, 2009
February 22nd, 2009
whelp it's been awhile since i updated this guy. here goes
danny came to visit a couple weeks ago and we had a really great time. we got way drunk off cheerwine shots and baked lots of cookies and ate lots of gross food it was fun. i made plans to go to new york over spring break but now tatia doesn't think she can go and it makes me not really want to go :/ also modest mouse is playing in raleigh on march eleventh and i was just telling tatia the other day that i want to see them real bad. i have always been pretty lucky as far as getting the chance to see my long-time favorite bands, but i've still never seen modest mouse. oh! florida jeremy's band is opening up for of montreal in chapel hill in april and he's putting me on the list! i never cared too much for of montreal but i've always cared a whole lot for jeremy so i'm excited about that. i got an A on my french test. work is okay but people are shitty tippers 79% of the time. i've hung out with matt a few times in the last week and so far it's been fine but it is hard to gauge how much, if at all, it is going to fuck me up. yesterday i caught myself staring into space thinking "i was fine. why didn't he just leave me alone so i could keep being fine" twice and i guess that isn't a good sign but i was mostly thinking those thoughts because i was projecting and terror-fantasizing about what his "angle" is/was.
i thought such agonizing thoughts last night that i just sank myself into an incomprehensible level of depression and ordered a pizza just for me and laid in bed for hours. not good, laur. not so hot.
it's sunday and it's sunny. sunny sunday sundae i wish it was hot hot hot outside