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July 3rd, 2009
02:38 pm - We built this teepee on rock and roll.
we officially have the most exciting backyard in the neighborhood. teepee, kiddie pool, fire pit, squash garden, various assortments of awesome people.
i am doing well. tomorrow is the fourth of july! i'm excited. today matt is coming over to bring my skeleton necklace that i left at his house. i will be at work. avoidance is key to recovery. a big ol' crush on somebody else helps out a bit, too.
;)
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/twotone/hamsters/smiling_hammy.gif) cheerful
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June 15th, 2009
06:38 pm
today is my sister's 26th birthday. happy birthday, kara!!! we are having a party for her tonight at nate and charlotte's house.
i got up this morning and walked to the grocery store to get stuff to make cupcakes for tonight. i almost fell down crossing central avenue on the way back :( it was embarrassing. it has taken more willpower than i thought it would to not eat any of the cupcakes i made. i took a shower and practiced viola (pizzicato, i don't have anymore rosin for my bow). i meant to walk down to brodt's to get rosin and some new music and maybe some staff paper so i can transcribe "you really got a hold on me" into alto clef. does anyone in my social network play violin/viola/cello? i'm itchin' to do some duets. anyway, i was going to go to brodt's but tatia came home on her break from work and i wanted to hang out with her. i live and work with her but i just can't get enough tatia. danny is in town for two nights and he's staying with mark and john down the street. it'll be nice to hang out with him him.
matt and i got into a horrible fight on friday night. it lasted hours. i felt just awful the whole time. he did/said some very unfair and fucked up things and i just couldn't take it anymore. i've had the last few days to think about it and he just isn't the person that i thought he was at all. in fact, he is a lot closer to being the person he was before i met him, before he moved to charlotte. i didn't know him then but i heard all about "old matt." mean, cruel, arrogant, unjustly opinionated, always going out of his way to do fucked up hurtful things to people he said he cared about. i haven't tried to talk to him the last couple days and i'm proud of myself. there isn't anything i can say to him. and i just can't handle sitting there while he tells me i'm wasting my life or that i'm basically not good enough for him. i simply cannot take it anymore. he can take his wrong opinions elsewhere.
like helena's vagina, for example. (nothing against helena. everything against matt.)
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June 8th, 2009
07:26 am
i haven't gone to sleep yet. i tried and tried but no dice. i guess i just have too many thoughts in my head. it's hard not to think about my stupid broken heart.
yesterday robin brought home a bunch of stuff to make jewelry and i made a really cool necklace with a skeleton on it. it doesn't have a skull. i also made a keychain laniard that says <3FUCK THIS<3.
how's that for creativity
you fucking asshole.
i'm going to clean out the fridge today. i'll probably throw up. i'm also going to give rosie a bath, clean my room, practice viola, think about matt, probably cry, try harder to find a sugar daddy, eat food that isn't taco bell or asian, and drink three 16-oz. beers.
oh and i'll probably make an anklet.
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June 2nd, 2009
01:33 pm
my purse got stolen from kate's porch last night.
license, debit card, phone, adderall, next two month's written adderall prescriptions, house and car keys, three hundred dollar rent check, cigarettes, sunglasses, favorite wallet, favorite purse
before that happened i counted my adderall and realized i was 17 short. every month for the last 6 months or so i've come up short between 5 and 20. this means someone close to me has been stealing them and it breaks my heart a little.
the universe is trying to tell me something and it's being really mean about it
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June 1st, 2009
04:20 pm - monday mongay
i didn't get drunk last night.
i practiced viola for a long time today and it made me feel really good. i need to buy some new sheet music. i want a cello.
i cut up some tee shirts and i'm wearing one and i like it a lot.
maybe i'll go to the thrift store and take rosie for a walk.
i need to give mark his helmet back.
it's june!
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May 30th, 2009
10:23 am
matt and i broke up again last night. this time it was me that brought up the whole conversation, which i almost immediately regretted doing. i told him i felt like he wasn't treating me as well as he should and i guess i hoped that he would apologize and start making changes for the better in our relationship but instead he decided to just say all the same shit he said all those other times about how he's trying to live his life and make his music and draw his art and he just can't be in a relationship at the same time as all that. of course, all of this is bullshit because we all know that matt nelson can't NOT be in a relationship. if it's not me, it's gonna be somebody. and then he'll get real sad after a while and then he'll call me up and we'll hang out and i'll still be in love with him and he'll need me to hold him while he feels sorry for himself and then we'll do it and voila the cycle continues.
i am still in love with him but jesus fucking christ he's such a selfish baby.
now i get to play the waiting game for the next few days to find out who he's chosen to be his next best friend for a month that he fucks sometimes but mostly just uses for company while he runs errands.
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May 27th, 2009
07:41 pm
so the last week and a half has been stressful and inconvenient. to say the least.
i got my period on tuesday of last week, the same day that i realized i had a urinary tract infection and the day after i started a surprisingly difficult and boring session of summer school. yuck. on wednesday i took Rosie to get spayed and she's been recovering pretty well (thank god/knock on wood). work kind of kicked my ass on friday night. my cousin and her boyfriend came into town that night and that was pretty awesome. saturday night while i was at work my whole midsection started hurting real badly. it kept getting worse and worse and by the time tatia and i left work i was almost in tears. when i got home i popped a couple extra strength tylenols and it helped a bit. realizing the pain might be related to my UTI, i decided to wait until monday to call the doctor. throughout last week and last weekend, our little flea problem in our home turned into a much bigger flea problem. a flea infestation. our poor little pets are so itchy. and they've started biting me, too. on sunday morning, tatia and i decided to take my cousin out to brunch at pikes. we pile in my car and i start to pull out of the driveway. i quickly realize that i have a flat tire. awesome. i pulled back in the driveway and ignored it because i was hungry. monday morning, i woke up and felt like pretty awful. i called the doctor and remembered it was memorial day. i still didn't think it was serious enough to go to urgent care or the emergency room so i decided to wait until tuesday (yesterday). i woke up yesterday morning and i felt like i had been hit by a bus. i borrowed kara's car and drove myself to the urgent care at presbyterian. they took a pee sample and the doctor woman said that she couldn't believe i wasn't bedridden with a fever and vomiting all over myself because that's how infected my urine was. my little UTI turned into a full-fledged kidney infection. she nervously prescribed me oral antibiotics, worried that i might start puking and wouldn't be able to keep the meds down. though i have felt nauseated since yesterday morning, i have not thrown up. it has taken a lot of inner strength to not run to the bathroom and puke my insides out. i just want to make my tummy ache go away! but i won't do it because i definitely don't want to be hospitalized for five days with an IV and a tube up my pee hole.
today i woke up and didn't feel any better. matt dropped me off at my house pretty early this morning and i napped in robin's room until she got home (my room had too many fleas in it). tatia got up and we all started cleaning up and getting ready to flea bomb the house. i hardly had the energy to do all of this today. it's kind of a big hassle. put all the dishes in hiding spots, move delicate items outside, cover remaining delicate items, find a place to go for three hours with two to three flea-ridden pets, collect all bedding and laundry items, find mode of transportation, return to house two hours after bombs are set off to open all doors and windows, leave house again for 30 minutes to an hour, etc etc etc
but we took care of it. even in our miserable sick-girl states of being.
now i'm laying down at my parents' house waiting for the last load of laundry to finish so i can go home and make my bed and relax in it.
i still have to take care of my flat tire.
what a week!
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April 1st, 2009
03:23 pm
yesterday morning there was a high-speed police chase outside my house. the dudes jumped out of the car and there were helicopters looking for them and they found and arrested them outside of kaylyssa's house. i was outside for a long time without any pants on trying to figure out what was going on. robin and i both stepped in the same ant hill.
i'm very poor and in love.
i have to go to work now.
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March 6th, 2009
04:44 pm
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February 22nd, 2009
12:40 pm
whelp it's been awhile since i updated this guy. here goes
danny came to visit a couple weeks ago and we had a really great time. we got way drunk off cheerwine shots and baked lots of cookies and ate lots of gross food it was fun. i made plans to go to new york over spring break but now tatia doesn't think she can go and it makes me not really want to go :/ also modest mouse is playing in raleigh on march eleventh and i was just telling tatia the other day that i want to see them real bad. i have always been pretty lucky as far as getting the chance to see my long-time favorite bands, but i've still never seen modest mouse. oh! florida jeremy's band is opening up for of montreal in chapel hill in april and he's putting me on the list! i never cared too much for of montreal but i've always cared a whole lot for jeremy so i'm excited about that. i got an A on my french test. work is okay but people are shitty tippers 79% of the time. i've hung out with matt a few times in the last week and so far it's been fine but it is hard to gauge how much, if at all, it is going to fuck me up. yesterday i caught myself staring into space thinking "i was fine. why didn't he just leave me alone so i could keep being fine" twice and i guess that isn't a good sign but i was mostly thinking those thoughts because i was projecting and terror-fantasizing about what his "angle" is/was.
i thought such agonizing thoughts last night that i just sank myself into an incomprehensible level of depression and ordered a pizza just for me and laid in bed for hours. not good, laur. not so hot.
it's sunday and it's sunny. sunny sunday sundae i wish it was hot hot hot outside
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February 5th, 2009
12:24 pm
they fired Ted at work so i'm scheduled every day this week except for sunday. my job is not hard and i wouldn't mind it at all if i wasn't in school. school isn't hard either, i just have a lot of online assignments to take care of and i'm still working on switching life gears to accommodate homework. i haven't done homework since elementary school. also, i'm picking danny up from the airport on saturday night and no one could take my shift so i have to meet him in Pike's gear and a sloppy pony tail. i'll probably smell like a french fry. oh well. i'll bring him a milkshake.
Rosie was sick the other day because she had eaten a chess piece. she pooped it out and had diarrhea the rest of the day. she seems to be all better now but i'm going to take her to the vet to make sure it didn't mess up her insides.
i really need to clean my bedroom.
clay introduced me to Cheerwine shots at EB's the other night. they are fucking incredible. tastes exactly like Cheerwine. it was more exciting than the time i realized that Food Lion carries both Cheerwine and Sundrop popsicles. i love north carolina.
i need to take a shower.
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February 2nd, 2009
01:02 am
i'm doing much better now. i am scheduled for a lot of shifts at pike's this week. and i have a lot of schoolwork to attend to. danny is coming to visit in just a few days and i'm very excited. my behavior this past saturday was less than exemplary. oh well. i'm proud of my behavior otherwise. i guess that's all i have to say right now.
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January 24th, 2009
12:46 pm
it's like i never existed in his life and it's insulting and painful. he's been cruel and i don't deserve it. he has washed his hands of me. his name is tattooed on my arm and i'm a grade-A moron. he fooled me into believing that he was someone he is not. he's just a dickhead and an asshole and it will probably be a very long time before he cares about someone other than himself.
it is what it is.
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January 19th, 2009
04:49 pm
i started school but i made schedule mistakes that i could not repair. i'm taking french and geography. emily is in my geography class, which is nice. i'm glad i live with tatia and robin. we went to winston salem the other night and it was whack as usual but we had a good time.
i just want to sleep all the time.
he already replaced me :(
however, contrary to what matt nelson thinks, matt nelson is not that big of a deal. i'll be just fine.
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January 9th, 2009
06:11 pm - updates
i haven't posted anything in awhile. i went on a cruise over christmas. it was very nice and relaxing. i did not make any "cruise friends" and i spent all my time with my family. i missed matt and rosie a lot while i was gone. i came home and i was happy to see everybody. new years was pleasant. it was the first time since i moved out of my parents' house that new years eve didn't turn out terribly. tatia, matt and i went over to kate and taylor's house. they had a few people over and sharuz performed ozma covers on a casio. matt kissed me at midnight and soon after that we went to his house and it was nice and fun. a day or two went by and matt decided to go on a workweek-long alcohol and fake amphetamine binge (stackers). on monday, the fog in his head apparently lifted and he began to see things more clearly. i spent literally 5 hours cleaning our bathtub that afternoon (robin and i had always assumed that we had a beige bathtub; in reality it is white) and when i finished i called matt to invite him over for dinner before he had to go to band practice. he agreed. he got here and i was about to boil some veggie dogs and he stopped me and said we needed to talk. i knew immediately that he did not come over for dinner (in fact he had already eaten when he left work) and he had agreed to come over so he could break up with me. we went in my room and i asked "why?" and he replied "the same shit." he's in a transition period. he's having a personality crisis. he cannot be in an intense relationship at this time.
it hurt a lot. it still does. i feel like it is far from being over but there is nothing that i can do. he's hard-headed and confident in the choices he makes, even when he is the only one who believes he is doing the right thing. it has always been in my personality to cling to things that don't exist and to try to change people and situations that i have no control over just because at one point in the past things were pleasant. i can't do that anymore. i want to so badly but i cannot do it this time. it's even harder now, though. because it worked with him before. i didn't let it go last time. i was persistent. i waited around. i made sacrifices and unfair compromises in order to please him and spend time with him on his schedule, never mine, until he finally admitted that i was his girlfriend again. but it didn't work for too long, i guess.
i start school on monday and i need to focus on that. not him. i'm not going to beg him to hang out with me. i'm not going to call him just to hear his voice. i don't need to. i live with my two best friends. i got it.
it's robin's birthday today! she's 21 years old and i'm so glad. now only a few days and tatia will be a grown-up, too!
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December 15th, 2008
11:06 am
5 days until the cruise! i'm excited. i'm starting to get my wintertime dry skin and mouth problems so hopefully the caribbean heat will fix it a lil bit.
the other day robin brought home a 4-foot-tall xmas tree from Family Dollar. we assembled it and put lights on it and it's so pretty! i went to bed at 9pm last night. i need to clean my room. everything i own is covered in dog hair. or missing. i can't find approximately 12 shirts. and i want them for my vacationnnnn. and i lost my sunglasses. lame. i have to go to the bathroom.
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December 12th, 2008
02:32 pm - end-of-year survey stolen from sister kara
1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
drank in public-- LEGALLY
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
i didn't make a resolution last year. my resolution for next year is less frivolous spending.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
robin's sister, Crystal, and kaylyssa's boyfriend, Brandon both had babies this year
4. Did anyone close to you die?
cyndi
5. What countries did you visit?
none. i'm fixin to go on a caribbean cruise, though.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
hmm. i don't know. the ability to keep my promises to my parents.
7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
may 9th, my twenty first birthday. my boyfriend dumped me and i found out he had been cheating on me with a very short and insane black girl.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
letting go of the Past and taking steps toward my own happiness rather than clinging to something that didn't exist.
9. What was your biggest failure?
not being able to face responsibilities. letting my parents down just because i'm lazy.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I HAD IMPETIGO ON MY FACE!! REMEMBER THAT???? GROSS
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Rosalita!
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
i have to second what kara said: kaylyssa really turned it around this year. also, kate beasley.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
ben compton's. and my sister's.
14. Where did most of your money go?
BOOZE, Y'ALL
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
going to the beach with my two best friends, going to florida, getting a dog, moving into my house, DRINKING IN PUBLIC-- LEGALLY!
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
el scorcho
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? much, much happier.
ii. thinner or fatter? the same? i think.
iii. richer or poorer? much, much poorer
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
answering everyone's phone calls, paying bills on time
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
bar spending
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
on a cruise ship
21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
yes
22. What was your favorite TV program?
family feud/afhv
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
not really, i was going to say ben but we hated each other last year, too.
24. What was the best book you read?
How to be an Adult in Relationships
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Rosalita sings beautifully when i play the harmonica
26. What did you want and get?
a healthy relationship, a dog
27. What did you want and not get?
a trillion dollars
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
i don't know
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
we've been over this.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
nothing.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
"i don't care anymore"
32. What kept you sane?
my girlfriends. and clay helped me out a lot during the month of may. thanks buddy
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
i don't know
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
the election
35. Who did you miss?
cyndi, emily, i missed tatia a lot when she went to maine
36. Who was the best new person you met?
getting to know matt was pretty awesome
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
sometimes people change in the worst ways and you can't do a damn thing about it but move on.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
psh i don't know
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December 11th, 2008
01:56 am
my significant other has fallen quite ill. i have fallen quite drunk.
CREAMY BEIGE
i read kate's lj trying to find this one post that hugh and i made on her user name in 11th grade and i couldn't bear to read back in time for one whole page. i can't believe how fucking nuts she was. 'sgross. OBSESSED with mike durando. SILLLLLLLY.
alls i know is moronz.
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December 2nd, 2008
05:50 pm - You're invited:
Saturday at me, Robz & Eric's house! last night, while making paper snowflakes and other decorations, Kaylyssa suggested that the party's theme should be Winter Prom. so we're dressing up and taking date pictures. the whole nine yards.
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December 1st, 2008
07:04 pm
it's December! i can't believe it. i'm leaving to go on a cruise in twenty days. i wish i could bring all of my friends with me. i can't. it will be a lot of fun, though. hangin' out with the fam. i probably can't afford to buy anyone nice christmas presents like i did last year. i'll put a lot of love in 'em to make up for it, though.
we are having a holiday party at our house on Saturday! black congo is playing and so is Bo and also another band. Robz and i are going to decorate the house. today i made one paper snowflake and then i got sidetracked. i'll make more later. i want to get mistletoe and make Tatia kiss stuff.
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